Standing in the way of control

Well it’s all go at the moment: not only am I six weeks into a new, extremely difficult job, but we’re also well into the process of buying a house. Oh, and we’ve been given the go-ahead to begin IVF round two, too.

Back in December, when the first round failed, the grief was compounded by a sense of being out of control. I decided it was important to get on top of parts of my life that I could control: primarily work, which was making me miserable, but also our living situation. Fast forward five months, and all the changes are beginning to come to fruition – but the enthusiasm I felt then now seems kind of… cavalier.

After a meeting with the consultant last week, I have decided to try a natural cycle for the next frozen embryo transfer. That means no ducking under my desk four times a day to sniff buserelin, no icky progesterone pessary-related situations (sorry) – and most importantly, no lengthy recovery period as my body tries to get back on track after the hormones. It could work out really, really well – or the uncertainty and stress around when the embryo transfer will be and not being able to explain sudden absences to my new bosses could work out really, really badly.

In the meantime, I am giving myself another month to settle into my job, and kind of enjoying being the one who has control of when the next round starts. And I am also getting back into the swing of using ovulation tests each morning.

Today’s test run seemed fine, until I got a text from J: “I just found an ovu stick in my pocket. It must have stuck to my phone this morning. Gross.”



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